How Much Of Your Life Was Shaped By Your Upbringing?

What If You're Living By Rules You Never Chose?

Most of us like to think we're making our own decisions. We choose how we spend our money.

We choose our careers, our relationships and how we respond to life.

Or do we?

The older I get, the more I find myself wondering how much of who I am today was shaped long before I was old enough to make my own choices.

The phrases I heard.

The experiences I had.

The things I was taught.

The things nobody taught me.

The expectations placed upon me.

The fears I inherited.

The beliefs that became normal simply because everyone around me believed them. It's fascinating when you think about it.

Two people can experience the same situation and respond completely differently.

One sees opportunity, the other sees risk.

One spends money freely, the other saves every penny.

One believes they can succeed, the other doubts themselves before they even begin.

Why?

Perhaps part of the answer can be found in our upbringing.

That thought made me curious.

So I asked a simple question:

"How much influence does our upbringing have on the person we become?"

The First Lessons We Ever Learned

Long before we attended school, we were already learning. We learned by watching, by listening, also by observing how the adults around us handled life.

Whether we realised it or not, we were building beliefs about ourselves and the world through them.

Some of those beliefs served us well, some of them may still be holding us back today.

The Things We Were Told

Words are powerful, many of us can still remember things we were told as children. Some words encouraged us, others wounded us. Some became part of our identity.

Statements repeated often enough can become beliefs, and beliefs often become behaviours.

One that stood out for me, was when an aunt pointed out that 'Tokunbo, never stops until she has completed the task at hand'. 

One part of me believed this but another didn't.

I'll stay with tasks but not with projects. One of the things with me, is I'll keep going until a meet a roadblock I cannot surmount and then I get stuck, especially when its beyond my control and I can't find the solution, that's when I lose interest.

So there were two sides to the belief I had about that statement.

The challenge is that not every belief we carry is actually true or I'll say true for us. Some beliefs we carry no longer serve us or never served us, but it was the only belief we ever knew growing up.

What We Saw Matters Too

Sometimes the biggest lessons were never spoken, they were demonstrated.

How did the adults around us handle life, money, deal with conflict or respond to challenges?

How did they talk about themselves or others?

Children are constantly observing, often we learn more from what people do than from what they say.

The Money Messages We Inherited

This is one area I find particularly interesting, many of our financial beliefs come from our upbringing and also the things we saw others do with money.

Perhaps you heard:

• "Money doesn't grow on trees."
• "We can't afford that."
• "Rich people are greedy."
• "You have to work hard for every penny."

Or maybe you grew up seeing generosity, stewardship, planning, and wise decision-making.

Whether positive or negative, those early messages have quietly influenced your financial decisions for years.

Not Everything We Learned Needs To Stay

This is perhaps the most encouraging thought of all. Understanding our upbringing is not about blame.

It is about awareness.

We cannot change the environment we grew up in, we cannot rewrite our childhood. But we can examine the beliefs, behaviours, habits, and patterns we have carried into adulthood.

And we can decide whether they still serve us.

A Different Way To Think About It

Perhaps one of the most important questions we can ask ourselves is:

"Why do I believe what I believe?"

Not just about money, but life, success, relationships, purpose, ourselves?  Because sometimes what we think is our opinion is actually an inheritance.

And sometimes growth begins when we take a closer look at what we've inherited.

Why I Asked this question?

I don't ask questions because I expect simple answers. I ask questions because they help me understand life a little better.

Sometimes they help me understand other people. And sometimes they help me understand myself.

This was one of those questions, I just had to ask.

Looking back on your own life, what belief, behaviour, habit, or mindset do you think came from your upbringing?

Has it helped you?

Or has it held you back?

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

What Do You Think?

If you'd like to check out my Lifestyle Budgeting Session, happy to show you what I do here.